When your child rejects you – all day, every day. One mother shares…

When one mother asked for advice in a Facebook mothers group I belong to, I never expected an answer that was so sincere, honest and valid, that it compelled me to ask permission to share it on the Buzz.

The original post was from a mother who was experiencing rejection from her baby girl. The mother had gone back to work – a necessity her baby couldn’t understand. The heartache from the rejection which followed each day after work was enough to seek some advice from our shared online community.

To offer solace, encouragement and advice from personal experience, Alice replied with this:

“I found this to be the hardest part of parenting so far. The rejection. It honestly hurt my heart more than any breakup I ever had. I went through this with Oliver a few months after Luka was born (when he was about 2). He basically wanted nothing to do with me, didn’t want me to play with him, care for him, get him out of bed, etc. If I did, he would scream and push me away, totally losing it. He only wanted his Dad or my Mum.

My initial reaction was one of, “well, f** it, at least Oliver loves me,” and wanted to keep my distance so he couldn’t hurt me. It took a lot of soul searching, but in the end, I just kept telling myself that I am his Mum and no matter what he throws at me, I am just going to throw pure love back.

Because I want him to know that I love him when he doesn’t love me, that I love him at his worst, that no matter what he does or says, I will always love him because I am his Mum and my love is unconditional even when I am hurt.

I know that ‘unconditional love’ is a cliche, and it seems so easy in the easy times, but loving when you are being so hurt is something I had to learn. It was hard, but I can truly say that we have come out of the other side and I feel like I am more bonded with him because of it. But nothing, nothing made me feel better while in the midst of it. No amount of reading, no amount of being told it was a phase. I was never okay with it until it was over.

That said, I am proud of how I handled it, even on the days I wanted to give up on being a Mum, feeling like a total failure (I’m a SAHM and my kids hate me…wahhh). So, I’m sorry for rambling, but I just wanted to say you are not alone. This is really, really common. It feels like the worst thing in the world. But it will get better. I promise. Hang in there. She really loves you. You are her Mum. Her only one.”

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Is rejection from your child something you’ve experienced? If you have something to add to the conversation, leave a message at the bottom of this post.

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Kimanh

About Kimanh

Kimanh. Mama to one and Peanut Planner Creator. Lover of clean kitchens, massages and chai. Next project: legitimising pizza as a breakfast food.

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6 comments on “When your child rejects you – all day, every day. One mother shares…

  1. angie
    November 14, 2015 at 5:07 am

    I can imagine the pain of your circumstances. My daughter works a lot to care for her and her children. This work means her children stay an my house a lot and sometimes when they are sick they would rather have me. We work on this but sometimes it does hurt her feelings.

  2. Kate
    November 14, 2015 at 7:18 am

    The first time I let my oldest stay at my parents alone I cried every night because I missed her so much. We finally go to pick her up after 5 days. I was so so so excited and she wanted only my husband. She didn’t even want me near her. It. Broke my heart!

  3. Zoe
    November 14, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    Our daughter does this to her dad. I think we are coming out of it now (she is almost 4) but that there seemed to be no reason for it, no new baby, no change in work pattern, was really really hard for him.
    I have shown him articles about phases and reasons it might be and hoped it might help him deal with it, but the only thing that has is her now wanting to be around him.

  4. Courtney
    November 15, 2015 at 2:17 am

    I can relate to this post. As a full-time working mom, and the primary financial supporter in our household, there was a time when I was putting in 12-14 hour days just to make ends meet. My little girl didn’t understand why I couldn’t give her more time, and she rejected me for a period of time. It was absolutely heartbreaking, but it’s true, the best way to fight back against rejection is with pure, 100% unconditional love and I might add intentional, undivided attention.

  5. Samantha
    November 15, 2015 at 3:48 am

    Yes! I stay home with my kids, and my son goes through these phases. Sometimes he wants only his daddy, and sometimes he wants only me. It’s so hard. It hurts when he rejects me, and I hate to see how sad it makes my husband when it’s his turn. We just wait it out and he snaps out of it. We just tell him that it’s okay to like both parents at the same time. Thankfully he seems to be outgrowing this.

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